FUNNY STORIES

A laconic answer

The Lacons lived in a part of Southern Greece called Laconia, and were known for the bravery and the simplicity of their life. One of their rules was always to speak briefly, using no more words than were needed. This was carried so far that to this day, a very short answer is often called laconic.
There was in Northern Greece a land called Macedonia, which was once ruled by a king named Philip. Philip wanted to become master of all Greece. He therefore collected a great army and conquered all Greece, until only Laconia remained unconquered. Then he sent a letter to the brave Lacons saying: "If I invade your country, I will destroy your great city. " In a few days an answer came. He found only one word written in it. That word was "If'.

An aircraft is about to crash...

An aircraft is about to crash. There are five passengers on board, but unfortunately only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger says "I'm Shaquille O'Neill, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me, it would be unfair to them if Idied". So he takes the first parachute and jumps.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says "I am the wife of the former President of the United States. I am also the most dedicated woman in the world, a Senator in New York and America's potential future President. She takes one of the parachutes and jumps.

The third passenger, George W. Bush, says "I am the President of the
United States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world politics.
And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of the country and I have a responsibility to my people not to die". So, he takes a parachute and jumps.

The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a ten year old schoolboy "I am already old. I have already lived my life, as a good person and a priest I will give you the last parachute". The boy replies "No problem, there is also a parachute for you. America's most intelligent President has taken my schoolbag... " 

Catholic men and  woman

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'. "
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'. "
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'. "
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'. "
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well .........? "
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38" DD bust, 24" waist and 34" hips.
When she walks into a room, everybody says, "Oh My God. "

Dream in English

There's a story about a teacher who told his students, You know you're making progress in English when you speak in English, think in English, and dream in English.

One day a student came into the class very excited and said, "Teacher, Teacher, last night I dreamt in English. " The teacher said, "That's wonderful. What did you dream about? " And the student said, "I don't know, it was in English. "